How to have difficult conversations

Is there something you need to say but dared not say it? Maybe you want to heal a family rift or tell someone some home truths?  You can do this without disastrous consequences

We know that communication is essential for happy living, when it comes to tricky subjects we often clam up.  Conversation is a powerful tool but we have not been taught how to use it properly when there is something difficult to say.

Here are some steps towards “Having that conversation”

Find your courage

If you have spent a long time avoiding this conversation, start by writing down the risk’s and benefits of speaking up.  Difficult conversations are uncomfortable because they are about things that feel uncomfortable, such as the state of your marriage or relationship, your finances, your relationship with others. But, staying silent and allowing resentment to fester is often worse.  So, look at it logically and dig deep to find the courage to speak.

Prepare your words

This is crucial. First, decide what “Not” to say, then Imagine what the other person is likely to reply and work out how you will cope.  Thinking the conversation through, anticipating the difficulties and how you will respond, will increase your chance of success.  It also means that “Explosive” comments are less likely to come tumbling out of your mouth in the heat of the moment.

You also need a positive frame of mind.  If you are constantly telling yourself “I will be rubbish at this and she/he will hate me” ask yourself, is that true? Will your loved one really hate you for being honest? It is more likely that they will be relieved that the discussion is taking place.

State your case clearly

Start by stating the facts in a way that no-one can argue with.  For example, if you’re trying to heal a family rift try, “we have not been getting on for such a long time and I feel really sad about it”.  Then make it clear that you don’t intend to fight.  For example “I don’t want to hurt you or make things more difficult than they already are but I do think we should talk”.  If you have been struggling with the idea of having the conversation, say so. Describing your dilemma will help the other person understand that this is genuinely difficult for you.

Your tone of voice is crucial, it needs to be calm and measured.  If you are feeling emotional, frustrated or angry, let off steam by speaking to a friend before you have “The conversation”

Speak the truth and listen

Hold your nerve when it comes to naming difficult emotions.  If you are feeling angry, agitated, resentful, then you can, and must, say so.  If you are truthful but stay calm it won’t destroy your relationship.  If anything, the other person will see your honesty and respond in a similar way.

In return, listen carefully to what they say and acknowledge their feelings.  Phrases like “I’m really sorry this is making you so sad” or “I’m not surprised you’re feeling  angry” will let them know you are listening to and hearing their view.

Remember, it is essential that you are completely honest with the other person, any sign of holding back or “Vagueness” on your part and the other person will close down, worse still, shut you out.

 Show respect and you will reap the rewards

If you remain respectful and stay positive, there is a far better chance that the other person will as well.  If you talk down to the person, show contempt or are dismissive, the other person will see this as a slight and will kill the conversation on the spot.

It is never too late

No matter how hard you prepare, you cannot predict the outcome of the conversation.  Do not let that stop you from having it.  Whatever happens, you will feel lighter and more free for finally having said what needed to be said.  There is always the chance the conversation will go far better than you can imagine.

Too many of us take refuge in silence.  This simply eats away at us and our loved ones until there is nothing left.  Far better to bring things out in the open, rather than let them fester under the surface of a precious relationship.

Todays question:

How would you feel if you do not have “The conversation” and the person you need to have it with passes away tomorrow?  

Giving Your All

Giving Your All

The act of giving your very best to the needy can likewise cultivate the best emotional satisfaction in your heart. Whatever form of help you extend, be it service or something of value, you will undoubtedly receive something better in return.

Is there anything better than a simple “thank you” that is meant with sincerity? Is there anything better than an appreciation that makes you feel needed and important? Is there anything better than to see smiles on other people’s faces for having made them feel equally important and cared for?

If your physical resources are limited, you can put your talent or creativity to work. Your urge to help those in need should inspire you to find ways in accumulating resources to actualize your intention. You can come up with ideas to generate more money through fund raising programs. You may also give more of your time doing volunteer service.

In the process of giving your all, your cooperation, attention, and entire being need not be strained. You may get physically exhausted; but emotionally, you will be charged with a heart full of compliments, making you feel all-important. You will feel revitalized and invigorated. You will become more enthusiastic. All these occur because you love what you’re doing.

When you set your mind to work for a good cause, you are actually tapping and activating power that promotes health in every corner of your physical, psychological, and emotional being. Your emotions will run high in a positive manner. You will feel sentimentally contented with what you are doing. You will feel as though you’re the highest paid executive in the business; not because you’re being paid with money, but because you’re being paid with your own sense of fulfillment.

Oh yes………….when you give your all, the best will bounce back to you.

More on this topic? ==>Check This Out

Until the next time.....

WAITING FOR PERFECT CONDITIONS

STOP WAITING FOR PERFECT CONDITIONS

Successful people do not spend the majority of their time thinking about what must be done. Instead, they spend twice as much time reflecting on what they have already accomplished, and on how they are capable of accomplishing what they set out to do. Football coach John Wooden said, 'Things turn out best, for the people who make the best of the way things turn out.' 

The greatest gap between successful people and unsuccessful people is the thinking gap. This is especially so when it comes to failure. Successful people see failure as a regular part of success, and they get over it. Jonah Salk, the developer of the polio vaccine, said: 'As I look upon the experience of an experimentalist, everything that you do is, in a sense, succeeding. It's telling you what not to do, as well as what to do. Not infrequently, I go into the laboratory, and people would say something didn't work. And I say, "Great, we've made a great discovery!" If you thought it was going to work, and it didn't work, that tells you as much as if it did. So my attitude is not one of pitfalls; my attitude is one of challenges and "what is nature telling me?' ' Such tenacity only comes from right thinking, and it is the hallmark of all successful people. They keep trying, keep learning, and keep moving forward. They win the battle in their minds, and then it overflows into what they do.

 

Do you invent reasons why you

can't do something?

HINT...

Yes we ALL do, ALL the time!

We make"stuff" up in our heads, we 

convince ourselves that we are not

good enough or that people

won't like what we have to say!

 http://tiny.cc/confid

We convince ourselves, and create

imaginary scenario's in our minds 

that we are just not worthy enough, 

The fact is, we probably have better odds 

of succeeding than we think we do...

The fact is, we can almost always do more...

The challenge is to know when your

IMAGINING reasons why "it won't

work."

Is there anything you're imagining that's

holding you back?

Time to make a change   http://tiny.cc/phob

Until the next time  "Take Action"

What Stinks???

WHAT STINKS?  

Sometimes when we have a problem we do what Mary and Martha did with their deceased brother Lazarus. We bury it and roll a stone in front of it. Then Jesus comes along and tells us to roll the stone away so He can deal with it and make us whole again.

It takes honesty, humility and courage to roll away the stone on a stubborn or shaming issue. But you will never become healthy and whole until you are willing to do that. Can you imagine the state Lazarus was in after four days in the grave? Martha said, 'He stinketh.' Yet Jesus said, '...If you will believe you will see the glory of God' (John 11:40 NKJV). The great thing about this story is that no matter how far gone your situation may be or how unpleasant it is, you can turn it around. But you must be willing to take action and roll the stone away and allow “Him” to work. If you'll let Him, He can give you back what life has taken from you. People, friends, family, loved ones may give up on you but Jesus won't and you should not give up on yourself. 

Have you ever changed a baby's nappy? If anything else smelled that bad you would throw it in the trash, right? But not your child; you love them and you know that with a little help they are capable of outgrowing it and becoming something good. Like Mary and Martha, you may think it's too late for a miracle, but it's not. Your finances may stink, your relationship may stink, your prospects for the future may stink, but if you will believe you will succeed, you will move forward and you will 'see the glory of God.'

Reviewed this site recently well worth a look  http://tiny.cc/anxt